Isolation Overload

I’m feeling very isolated.  I have all of these thoughts and feelings going through me at any given moment and I don’t feel able to share them.  I mean, I could share them.  I know I am not alone, but I want to write them down and share them that way, but I can’t do it in a general way.  Like a blog.  At least not on my old blog.  Because then if my feelings that day are negative, then I am being negative.  But I’m not always fucking positive.  I can’t be because change is hard.  I have some feelings that are not flowers and unicorns, and I feel my voice is stunted.  Truncated.  I am unable to share this life experience.  I've been with Jon my entire adult life and a mother before that.  I've never been alone, and now I can't even do that right.  I have friends I can talk to individually, via messenger, text or email, sure.  However, my forte is my writing.  I write well and I feel like I can only write for myself. So what’s the fucking point?  Like why even do it?  

I don’t journal.  I know Danielle would say to journal.  Just write it down to get it out.  Very few times do I write for me, for my sanity.  I write for it to be seen, read, for someone to relate to my experience, engage with me.  That’s my sanity.  My sanity is connection to others who’ve experienced something similar.