I’m feeling very isolated.
I have all of these thoughts and feelings going through me at any given
moment and I don’t feel able to share them.
I mean, I could share them. I
know I am not alone, but I want to write them down and share them that way, but
I can’t do it in a general way. Like a
blog. At least not on my old blog. Because then if my feelings that day are
negative, then I am being negative. But
I’m not always fucking positive. I can’t
be because change is hard. I have some
feelings that are not flowers and unicorns, and I feel my voice is
stunted. Truncated. I am unable to share this life
experience. I've been with Jon my entire adult life and a mother before that. I've never been alone, and now I can't even do that right. I have friends I can talk to
individually, via messenger, text or email, sure. However, my forte is my writing. I write well and I feel like I can only write
for myself. So what’s the fucking point?
Like why even do it?
I don’t journal. I
know Danielle would say to journal. Just
write it down to get it out. Very few
times do I write for me, for my sanity. I
write for it to be seen, read, for someone to relate to my experience, engage
with me. That’s my sanity. My sanity is connection to others who’ve
experienced something similar.